Broken Mirror, nangi and her thinking ..............

( i wrote this about 1. 5 years back thought of sharing it with my friends - foot path)

Mornings and evenings comes and goes faster than we think. Mornings are generally brighter and healthier if you had a good night sleep – previous night.

First task of the mornings nangi’s and mine looking at the mirror that is hanging over to our bed. That was the only suitable place that we could find to hang it. There are times that I do not look at the mirror purposely for me that generally happen unconsciously. 

By looking at the mirror I sometimes think about the changes I see. The tiring eyes reminds me many things, the night is gone a fresh day is coming ahead. Nangi is usually smiling at the mirror every possible morning. Adjusting her wavy hair that she likes very much muttering many things to herself that I can not hear. I have observed these things many times because she wakes up after me asking her bed tea. 

“Lazy girl what is the time now?”

I ask every possible morning not because that I do not know the time, my little laptop clearly indicates the time even thought it has some technical problems these days. 

“Hmmm you have no luck to have a good night sleep you feel jealous about me don’t you?” that is her usual answer.

I say nothing because I know that she does not really mean it.

My evenings are generally calmer and are full of indefinable hopes again the nights I can say are full of mixed feelings I like to write them down anything that comes to my mind. Some thoughts are not rational at all and the things that I think and say sometimes indicates my ‘confused’ mind I like to think. No! Please pardon me am I talking nonsense? My sister and others around me who knows and understands me at least a little knows that I talk nonsense sometimes.    

Nangi always says that she loves her television and her mirror. She says that she is the owner of all what we have except my little laptop. The very first day that we rented this tiny room her main worry was a mirror but luckily we already had a fourteen inch Panasonic television that our father had bought for us many years back. So a mirror was her main worry. We walked and walked all over the city ‘Nugegoda’ looking for a mirror a good one but a cheap one.   

“meka keeyada” “ ethakota anith eka”

“How much is this and how much is that?” 

The sizes were really ok but the prices did not match with what we had in our wallets.  The owners of the shops looked mad because of these two bothering customers. I still remember these things because this happened not too long ago about ten months back.

At last we found a mirror that matches both our preferences and the money that we had in our hand. Happy sister gently touching the mirror says

“Now you can easily wear sarees no?” I accepted her views saying ‘yes’ to her. She was happy. 

“Careful when you get in to the bus ok” she did not forget to remind me before I got in to the bus carrying the mirror and another needy things in both my hands with a little difficulty for the newly rented room. 

Since then, the mirror that had a purple colour frame and a little art work around all four corners of it became our friend, especially it became a good friend of my baby sister. The girls, the ladies have many things to do with a mirror sometimes they are happy talking to their own images that appears on the mirror. All who likes to see their own faces through the mirror can see and say many things to their own hearts and minds I happened to think.

This Friday morning I was cleaning something in the washing area heard a big noise I was talking to myself after………….

“End of another glass”

 I was thinking that it was another glass that has slipped through nangi’s fingers again” 

Little later nangi came with red eyes and a worried face, saying

“akka tell me if I say something that hurts you will you blame me or not”

“That is ok it is just a glass we can buy another one”  I said 

“No that is not the glass it is the mirror”

 I saw her eyes filled with many things that can not be easily explainable. I know people have many things that they treasured sometimes what they have owned or earned through out their life time. The properties of different kinds  So it is the mirror she loved so much  

I read an interesting novel few weeks back it is a story of a lovely Chinese girl who was asked by a ghost to find a mirror that was lost during some conflicts with the Japanese. The mirror which once belonged to their ancestors, a family treasure was taken care of by every generation with so much respect. I loved the book not because of the story of the mirror but because of the way it has written.

I can not remember that how many times I have reminded nangi about the realities that attached to our own lives. I think she is not too old to understand these things. I think I have reminded her many times that there are certain things in this world if you lose or break those things can be replaced easily. Then you do not have to worry actually there is no reason for you to worry. So for certain things that we lose you should not worry. You should worry only if you lose some things that can not be replaced with any of the alternatives in this existing world. 

Every one of us has something personal sometimes to protect or that they think is precious to them. We always tend to think about all the material stuff that we think are precious. What about ones ‘prestige’, reputation, the things that are important in relation to the social values and customs depending on the community or the society she or he belongs to. Even if I say these to her she will not understand better not one day she will understand all by herself. 

I have asked her many times to think of her dear and near ones. If you lose one of them you never get a chance to see them or touch them again. You can never ever replace with anyone the place that they hold in our hearts. 

She cries with out listening to all that I was saying, thinking that it was the only mirror available in this whole world that she could possibly purchase. 

The broken pieces of our mirror reminded me of a very near and a dear friend who once related me a story of her friend and a mirror an unforgettable story that taught me many things about life and about many other things 

She (nangi) lost her identity card yesterday on our way back from the hospital. “I am a girl with out any identity now”  same things I had to remind her many more times I can not remember as to how many times.

“You can apply for another identity card  

 How many times I have told you that it is possible to get another one. Now will you please stop bothering me”

 We had a little fight about the lost identity card. By the end of the day she became normal and again we spent a normal evening as usual arguing about many things that we watch on the television and went to sleep.

I was thinking many things while trying to sleep at that night, a reaction and a behavior of a girl who has less contact with out side world and know little about many things. She should go out and move with others to get some understanding of the existing world. 

The very next day she lost again another thing her lovely mirror it is for her unbearable I understand. 

The place of the wall that hanged the mirror for some time looks very bold and empty.   If you lose something that near to your heart it is natural that you feel empty. But this is just a mirror. I thought …............

“Please stop worrying about the mirror ok we will buy another one for you”

“Today is a Friday it is a bad omen if you break anything that belong to you on a Friday

” she was trying to explain something different this time. I felt angry this time.

“Who told you that?”  I asked 

“Aachchi amma” 

“I love you and amma very much I do not want to lose you” she told me forgetting her favorite brothers this time.

I felt like something is happening inside me.

 my heart was heavier than before and I felt really sad about her. Again my heart filled with love for her more than before that was an unexplainable situation. How much love that she carries in her heart for me and amma and for others. I was not surprised but still she is different this time I noticed.

I thought before, that she was really worrying about her mirror because she will not get a chance to see her face every possible minute or so. But she was worrying about us. The broken mirror again taught me a very different lesson this time about ‘life’.  The theories full of life I sometimes can not believe these things. We hear many theories and concepts about many things in this world. Also it gave me another chance to identify the immeasurable love of my darling sister. 

The worrier face only lasted for few hours and I heard she was giggling with her friend next door for something that I did not understand. Life is like that. the worries or sorrows sometimes lasts for days , years or more than you expected again after sometime the happiness will reach you in a particular moment or on a day that you will never expect. I have read it somewhere I remember today.     

Is it only her heart that is broken because of the broken mirror? I was really asking myself. No! Sometimes you see yourself through a mirror I am not talking about our very own faces. There is another possibility even if we do not realize it. You can see others through your own images I learnt recently. So my worry now is that I will lose the chance of seeing others through this broken mirror, the images of the people who are near and dear to me. 

The broken mirror actually now has become a victim of breaking two hearts for two different reasons:

nangi’s love taught me many lessons and that lead me to explore my thoughts in many different directions of my life.

 a lesson from a mirror useful. Plentiful reflecting images appears not before the framed mirror - new but before the mirror of unwritten tomorrow